I lost a bit of my gathering muscle during Covid. While there were moments of connection—like Binner (yes, dinner over the bin!) with our neighbours in lockdown— there were also very few parties, celebrations, and conferences. With so much time at home, I fell out of practice. And I’m not alone.
The Rise of the ‘Remote Life’
In his 2024 paper Homebound: The Long-Term Rise in Time Spent at Home Among U.S. Adults, Patrick Sharkey describes how Americans increasingly work, shop, eat, worship, and entertain themselves from home. In Australia, the overflowing yellow bins and the popularity of streaming services tell a similar story.
At first glance, this sounds like a win—less commuting, fewer logistics, and no awkward small talk at parties or over the water cooler. Home has become our workplace, our entertainment hub, our refuge. We’ve set up our homes to be our everything. Or have we?
Are we missing something essential—something vital to our wellbeing? Psychologist Paul van Lange. calls it Vitamin S: the social connection we get from everyday interactions with our community.
Why we need the Village
Anyone who shops on their local street or spends time at the dog park can tell you how short, frequent conversations with acquaintances help you feel connected and appreciated. A recent Age-Well Project blog highlighted van Lange’s research, which suggests that these everyday encounters with ‘strangers’ provide a much-needed dose of Vitamin S.
In our increasingly digital world, some relationships are thriving while others are fading. Marc J. Dunkelman, an author and a research fellow at Brown University, reckons tech is helping us stay in touch with families and close friends but disconnecting us from the village. In an article in The Atlantic, Dunkelman describes the village as: “These are your neighbours, the people in your town”. It is the village that is the key to social cohesion according to Dunkelman. Families teach us love, and tribes teach us loyalty. The village teaches us tolerance.
And why do we need the village? It is the ‘village of strangers’ van Lange suggests that nurtures our personal growth. These everyday encounters – chatting to the baker or a neighbour at the community garden – quiety contribute to our wellbeing in ways we often underestimate.
The Power of Connections
In The 100-Year Life, Lynda Gratton emphasises the importance of diverse networks in helping us navigate life’s transitions—whether these transitions are chosen or forced upon us. Studies show that we’re more likely to find job opportunities through the friend of a friend rather than the friend themselves. Our broader social circles – the village- introduce us to new perspectives, role models, and collaborators, shaping our futures in ways we can’t always predict.
Gatherings don’t just bring people together; they expose us to fresh ideas, expand our thinking, and provide a dose of Vitamin S we didn’t even realise we needed.
Striking up a conversation, offering a smile, or trying to find a connection with someone new can feel daunting – even for an extrovert like me! But isn’t that true of so many things that are good for us? The hardest part is taking the first step—often just stepping out the door.
And as I grow older, I want to keep taking that step. I don’t want to retreat into the comfort of home and lose touch with the village. Because it’s only by maintaining these everyday connections—by getting enough Vitamin S—that we stay engaged, keep learning, and make the most of our silver futures.
So here’s my promise to my older self: Keep strengthening my gathering muscle. Keep stepping outside. Keep talking to strangers. Keep being part of the village.
Image credit: Joanie Collette